come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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