omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
