Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
