FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
