Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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