he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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