At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
