If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
