i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
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OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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