Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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