Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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