...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
