Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
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Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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