im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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