If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Drunk is not a location!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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