ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I CAN MOONWALK!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
