guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
