Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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