Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
