im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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