in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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