i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
