He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
