There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
