tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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