So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think I just sharted jello shots
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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