Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
