Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
