I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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