There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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