I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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