let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
