well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
