I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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