It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
