dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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