I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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