Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
