You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so let's talk penis.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
