Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
