Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
