This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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