The maid of honor just puked.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Randomize
