So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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