So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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