You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
not ubering you a puppy
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
