Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You're like the curious george of whores
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I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
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I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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