cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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