just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
