my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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