Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
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the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
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We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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