she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
