I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
