watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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