there's paper in my vomit.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
