He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
