Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
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I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
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He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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