Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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