were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
