dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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