Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
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didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
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I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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