i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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