My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
